I'm BACK!!.... sort of....

Wow. I'm super embarrassed. I haven't blogged in over a month. That is disgusting.

I have been ridiculously busy and haven't had much time to blog. I blame Twitter, which has kind of taken over really, because it's like microblogging. I can "blog" automatically as to what is happening, rather than sitting down and trying to write everything thats been going on in one piece.
I'm making terrible excuses aren't I?
I'm sorry.

I am still apartment hunting. I am ready to gargle with glass, put toothpicks through my eyeballs...ANYTHING, to find the perfect place.
Perhaps I am a cheapskate, but I am struggling to find something in my price range. I just cannot afford anything more. That doesn't mean, however, that I will accept living in a flea, cockroach-infested, dangerous and ridiculously small place.

The search is driving me crazy though. Seriously.

Let me give you an idea. I have tried Private Properties, Gumtree, every other search site available....I'll be here forever if I have to name them all...but feel free to send me more... I have tried Fourways Review and Sandton Chronicle.
Get the idea?

I have also been really busy career wise. It's strange though, because I feel like I am in a career rut. I feel like I should be doing more in my line of work and challenging myself more and yet I'm not quite sure what to do. LOL. I'm sure that it's just a phase. Let's hope so.

I am also madly in love. I haven't felt "this" before either. It's scary. A good scary. I am ridiculously happy; I can't wipe the silly grin off my face and I get butterflies everytime I think about him or see him. Today is actually our 3 months together (officially.)
I've never been treated like this before and I could kick myself actually. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen. No settling, no excuses and no compromises. Why do we allow men to treat us badly? I look at my friends and my sister...I expect the men they are with to treat them like gold and I will say as much....I don't know why I never applied that to myself.
I can only say this because of the awful experience I went through. So everything for a reason, no regrets and huge lessons learnt. I can only appreciate the good, because I experienced the bad.

What else has been happening? Ooooh a BIGGIE! I have quit smoking. Today is actually Day 15 of no smoking, not one drag. Nothing. I have also done this cold turkey and to be completely honest, I have gobsmacked MYSELF. It's not that I didn't think I could do it; but at the same time, I didn't! LOL. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

I'm totally proud of myself. It also wasn't planned. This is what happened. After my Cancer scare, I knew that I needed to quit. I'd also been wanting to quit for a while, but in all honesty, I really enjoyed smoking for the social aspects and having something to do when I was bored etc etc...all the excuses under the sun. I had been saying for ages that I was going to quit...next month...next week....next Monday and so it went. I also got one hell of a fright when I actually worked out how long I have been smoking for. I don't know why (in my mind) I thought I had only been smoking for "two years"...I've been saying that forever. I've actually been smoking since 2001. A box of 2o a day for 8 years. On weekends (with alcohol) 2 boxes in a night. DISGUSTING.

On Sunday 14th June I had half a cig. Half a cig, because I just really didn't enjoy the taste of it. Perhaps it's because I had smoked nearly 2 boxes the Saturday night before with all the alcohol I consumed (haha) but I just didn't enjoy it. I stubbed it out and didn't smoke for the rest of the evening. That Monday morning I woke up and didn't even think about a cigarette. I went for breakfast and a movie with EB and when it was time for me to go to work it hit me that I hadn't had a single cigarette. I wish I could say that I was struck by an angel singing "Aaaaah" epiphany, but something inside me and inside my mind just snapped. It's like my mind shifted and I just decided to stop or at least to see if I could. Hours turned into days and weeks. I can't even use a glass of wine as an excuse because while the craving is strongest when I'm drinking a cocktail, it's so manageable.

I almost feel guilty because I know that stopping smoking is supposed to be horrific and a major struggle for people, but I have found it relatively easy. I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't struggled, because I have and I've eaten SHITLOADS of sour worms, but it hasn't been as hectic as I was expecting. I was expecting to crawl the walls, to have night sweats, to see everything as cigarettes and to be a royal bitch to anything that moved, but it just wasn't the case. It hasn't been that awful and perhaps it really and truly is ALL IN THE MIND.

Man I hate cliches, but you can't fault them.

I have become one of those ex smokers. I am annoying. I'll admit it. I can't handle the smell of smoke now. It freaks me out, it makes me sneeze and I actually hate waking up in the morning (if I've been in a smokey place) smelling of smoke. My hair and my clothes STINK of it and I just wonder WHY I never noticed it before. I am noticing that I can smell my perfume, that my clothes still smell like Sta-soft hours after I've had them on and my taste has changed. Everything is tasting delicious. I had a curry at Bukhara in Cape Town on Friday night and the spices were even better than I ever remember.

The downside? I got sick the day after I stopped smoking. It was a combination of this God-awful strain of Flu and my sinuses acting up from...get this...the lack of smoking. My doctor explained that when you stop smoking, the hairs in your nose and lungs start to move and shake off the tar, nicotine or whatever gunk it is. It starts to come up (this is attractive) and so people cough, blow their noses and so forth... The perception is: "I was healthier when I smoked!" but it's not actually the case...if you can bare with it for a few weeks, you'll realise your body is just rejuvinating and that you're getting healthy...damn cliches....you have to get worse to get better. Most people can't stand it and so they just start smoking again.

Screw that idea....I'm not going to go through this sneezing, coughing, sinus-y mission to pick up a cigarette and then have to go through it AGAIN when I wanna stop smoking AGAIN! I'm going to go through this ONCE. Sure, it hasn't been as difficult as I expected it to be, but with that said, it's still been a struggle (a personal one) and I would be so F*%`^ed off with myself if I crumbled and had a drag. Just saying.

So, yes. Day 15. Here's hoping that it long continues.

I'm going to do my best to blog more often. I mean look at this essay...woah...sorry for the eyeball strain! It's just that I don't really have as much time as I used to have. I wont promise, but I will try! :-)

Girls Only.

I am bloated, super sensitive, having a fat ugly day, a bad hair day, I feel like I've re-entered puberty as far as the pimple zone goes and all of this because I'm PMSing.
Seriously. It's days like this that I let down the female team by saying: I hate being a woman. Sometimes.

Why do us woman have to go through so much shit. Periods, period cramps, giving birth, getting fat from that (I think guys should go through all the sympathy pains...their stomachs should swell-no the beer belly doesn't count, they should go through the pain etc...) we're more prone to bladder infections, we go through menopause etc...etc...etc....
It's rubbish. Absolute rubbish.
I feel like having a feet stomping temper tantrum, screaming into a pillow, having a good cry and then stuffing myself with chocolate.

Can you tell I'm in a bad mood?

In other news, I did go on a major shopping spree (OK, I do love being a woman.) It was a necessity because I needed new winter clothes. I don't know what happened to my winter things...did they get lost when I moved out of the ex? Are they stuck (by mistake) in storage with my kettle and cutlery?
I literally had a few coats and that was it. I got long sleeve shirts and tops, black pants, a fluffy robe and pair of slippers that I live in now. I don't actually want to leave the house and I find myself forcing myself to accept social invitations just in case I become one of those woman who never gets out of her pajamas and becomes severly obese.

I got 2 pairs of gorgeous black stilettos. 1 pair that has a pointed toe and 1 pair that has a rounded toe. Essential I tell you. OK, I told myself that, when I handed over my debit card for the hundredth time. I was surprised I didn't have blisters on my fingers from the number of times I had to punch in my PIN code.
Pay day (25th of each month) is a beautiful thing on the actual day and for the next 5 or 6 days. By the time the 1st of each month roles round I am broke again. Not entirely, but you get the idea.
However, I am still going to stand by the point that that shopping excursion was absolutely necessary. I can't be catching a cold now so that I wouldn't be able to work for the next salary. I needed those winter clothes...shoes, robes and slippers included. In my industry it's no work; no pay, so you see? Thank you Miss Excuses. You're much nicer than Mr. Murphy.

PS> I am starting to get alarmingly obsessed with vanilla tea. I use the word "alarmingly" because I find myself getting upset when restaurants don't serve vanilla tea. That isn't normal. I'm putting it down to the PMS week and will have to monitor myself closely the week after that. I'll keep you posted....or just keep checking the headlines for Crazy Girl arrested for assaulting Restaurant manager for not stocking Vanilla Tea.

Quicky

I had to *sob* admit defeat. The European Boy's beat me. It pains me to type this.
I did however, eat my weight in prawns. Just about. I made us girls proud! I think I devoured 3 overflowing plates of prawns. The fact that I had to be rolled out of Jimmy's Killer Prawns is another story all together. Wow.

I have a quick Q...

Is there always fire where there's smoke?

Beaten by a Girl!

I went back to gym today and I nearly died. I huffed and puffed like a sixty year old who smokes 60 a day. It was attractive. It felt good to be back though...back and focused.

May I please do a little victory jig. I just bought 2 pairs of Levi jeans...and they were two sizes smaller. I am so chuffed right now. I haven't been this size since I was...I don't know actually... that's how long it's been!
Speaking of shopping... I have a problem. OK wait. That sounds bad. I'm really not a shopaholic, in fact, I'm an embarrassment to the female race.
I'd like to think of myself as a really clever shopper. I manage to find good little steals and I know how to make something look really expensive when in fact it cost me nothing... just about.

I have had to do that to be honest, because I have such expensive taste. Expensive and international taste. I always manage to pick out the most expensive things in catalogues or I'll go into a store and love the pair of shoes/coat/dress/lounge suite that has the extra zero's on the end, while everything else is reasonable.
I'm also not shy to ask people in the street where they got certain things. I sometimes embarrass the people I'm around because I'll walk up to a woman and say: "Aw I love your necklace/hat/boots/jersey/etc...Where did you get it from?" I am yet to hear someone tell me they got it in this country. Hell, I'd even settle for someone telling me they got it in another province.
It's always:"Oh this? I got it in Dubai/Brazil/London/Spain/Thailand/Italy/Paris etc..."
See? Expensive AND foreign taste!
When I have had extra cash and spoilt myself on something boutique-y and expensive I hardly ever receive a compliment. HOWEVER... If I buy something from Mr. Price people flip out about it.I once bought a pair of shoes from Jet (they looked like Diors) and people flipped out. I just smiled knowing full well they cost me R99.99. :-)

Anyway.

I am so excited.

You know how much I adore/obssess over prawns. When I first started seeing European Boy I had to suss out if he liked the little garlic and lemon butter buggers. That would have been my deal breaker. Just kidding. Seriously. Turns out he loves them too and he instantly became a keeper. :-)
I was telling/warning him that I really am extremely embarrassing to be around when I eat prawns. I become an animal. Always a good thing to warn a new man. I need a warning label...or a "terms and conditions apply" label when I eat prawns or singledom could be a reality.
He's been telling me that he is worse. I don't believe him.
We've been egging each other on for a while now and finally we're putting it to rest. Tonight at Jimmy's Killer Prawns, is: ALL YOU CAN EAT SPECIAL!
I think I just orgasmed.

His brother got involved too, so now it is the European Boy's vs Blondie. Those boys are going down. I've been sending them messages all day asking them to prepare for the fact that they're going to be beaten...by a girl.
I'll let you know how it goes down tomorrow, unless of course I eat myself into a coma.

Oh shit...I may just put on those two dress sizes and have to take those Levi jeans back. We'll deal with that at tomorrow's gym session.
Let's hope for a victory people!

Saturday Night

I originally thought that my life was rather sad earlier on, but now I'm actually just grateful that I am sitting at home on a Saturday night.

I'm working really early tomorrow morning. In fact I just set my alarm clock for 04h30. Lovely.

I could have pulled an all nighter, but I've done that before and it killed me. Never again.

I visited Blondie 2 today complete with flowers and donuts. Actually the donuts weren't a planned thing, but bakery smells are one of my favourites and it lured me inside. It wasn't my fault. I promise. Handy though - nothing like fattening but delicious comfort food after an operation.

It has been Laguna Beach Weekend on MTV and the two of us cuddled up (I was petrified that I was going to move too vigorously and hurt her stitches) all day and watched the show. It actually irritated me so much but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the drama and just had to know if LC was going to get back together with Jason or not. Oh My God!

They are so bitchy, shallow and superficial, but it's so entertaining that you can't help yourself. It also made me feel normal, human and intelligent. OK fine, it also makes me a little jealous of their gorgeous clothes etc...but still...

One of the guys threw one of the girls a surprise birthday party and afterwards he said: "Not telling my best friend about her surprise party was one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure in.my.life! Oh my God!!"

Blondie 2 and I killed ourselves laughing. Dude. People are dying and starving and THAT was the hardest thing you've ever had to endure. Seriously deep.

Man it was fun.

I got home today, poured myself a glass of Amarula Cream on the rocks (I had a craving) and mom was making a traditional South African dish called Bobotie. I cannot remember the last time Bobotie was made... Years have gone by I think. I've never really been a big fan of the dish, but tonight I particularly enjoyed it.

I have been uploading photo's onto Facebook, twittering, blogging, googling...you know? Just an average Saturday night :-)

It's nice actually...being at home on a Saturday. Either I'm in denial or I'm getting older, because I don't think the 16 year old Blondie would have been too impressed with that...it's a decade later and I'm looking forward to getting into my pink pj's, snuggling in bed with a cup of hot vanilla tea and my book and having an early night.

Sweet dreams

x

Fat and Lazy weekend

I feel like a beached whale at the moment. I'm sure it's all in my head, but seriously. I feel fat.
I haven't set foot in the gym in over 3 weeks. I went to Knysna and obviously the cute idea that I had of running on the beach every morning was laughable. Then I returned back to Joburg in a mini skirt and slops...that was like landing in the Antarctic dressed for Mauritius. It resulted in a change of weather cold that came to bite me in the nasal passages last week, so no gym for me either. This week I still haven't felt hundreds and have had early meetings every morning which has messed up any routine Sugar and I enjoyed. The worrying factor is that the longer you stay away from gym; the easier it is to get into that routine. Oh no. Having a new man is motivation actually. No one wants to see jiggly bits or dimples in the wrong places.
Seriously. Monday morning is going to be my new start... I'm going to get focused and sweat my ass/tummy off. Literally.
Oh and the colder it gets, the further away I am from choosing a salad for lunch. Bring me hot chocolate, warm stews and warm comfort food. This is really not helping.

It's the weekend and I have no plans. It's weird actually. I know what I'm doing on Sunday morning...I'm working. I know that tomorrow I am going to visit Blondie 2...she went in for an operation so I'm going to bring her flowers and sit with her while the painkillers set in.
Poor thing.
Other than that, however, I have nothing on. It's really nice actually.

I hope you have a brilliant weekend.
xx

Rockstars and Happiness

Watched Jesse Clegg last night at the Civic Theatre. He is twenty years old and I am prepared to say that I can see him breaking the international market.
It has nothing to do with the fact that he is Johnny Clegg's son - what we can say from that fact is: thank God for great genes.
What a stage presence. He was nervous sure, there were some technical diffculties (it happens often in showbiz) but all in all, he was a rockstar...even next to Arno Carstens who came on as a guest performer. Nice.
He also happens to be good looking and let's face it. It helps. I felt a little bad sitting in row N swooning over a twenty year old, but there is something about a good looking boy strumming a guitar. Just saying.
Oh and did I mention he's a great guy too? What a package. He was down to earth, humble and genuine. I got to meet him after the show and he was incredibly sweet.

I had a really good time. I also brought the new man with me. Yes, I've kept it quiet because quite frankly it has come as a big surprise...even to me. I wasn't looking for a relationship and I suppose it comes when you're not expecting it. So they say. He is also not my typical stereotype in men and honestly, I'm glad. I've broken a pattern that has never been very good or healthy. I've kept it quiet too because I didn't feel like being judged, explaining myself etc etc etc...
Thing is I've never been happier and I am having so much fun. He treats me like gold, he's caring and kind, he makes me laugh all.the.time. He brings out a really good side of me and I love the fact that I am totally myself around him. I can be my clumsy self without feeling self conscious and I'm happy. He isn't in my industry, which honestly, is such a bonus because he's supportive, fascinated with what I do and I now get to find out about his industry too. It's great.
It's early days and we shall see, but right now, this is good and I'm looking forward to seeing what new this journey brings.
So there, I've spilled the beans. I have such butterflies in my stomach and I can't seem to wipe this stupid grin off my face. What a feeling.

Short and sweet

I am going to The Attic, a restaurant in Parkhurst tonight. I'm so excited. I don't know what it is about the Norwood, Greenside and Parkurst areas, but I just love it!
I would love to have an apartment there. Man, that would totally rock!

I have a 9 hour voice over session to get through over the next 3 days. 3 hours a day. It sounds relatively easy, but I can see I am going to be consuming copious amounts of water and tea to keep the voice fresh. The key is to keep the energy levels up too, so you sound as fresh as you did when you started.
Copious amounts of loo-going is going to happen too, I'm sure, with all the drinking.

Oh and horrors of horrors, my Blackberry is in hospital. Yes. It died, while I was in Knysna and I had to send it in for repairs. My Blackberry is fondly called My Crackberry, because I am that addicted to it. I am having withdrawl symptoms. I am also a bit of a phone snob now. I had to *shudder* remember how to use the predictive text mode again and not the QWERTY key pad I am so accustomed to.
Am I brat? Absolutely. I blame technology.

Knysna

Soundtrack: Offsprings' Greatest Hits, Snow Patrol, The Killers and R.E.M
Indulged in: prawns, oysters, wine, Pezula spa.

Knysna was absolutely exquisite. Even the weather played ball. I did feel like a true Joburger though, because sure, it wasn't summer sunshine, but the sun still shone and that was good enough for me and my lily white ass to hit the beach. There were the locals who were in jeans and light cardigans walking along the beach with their dogs, I decided to ignore them as I smoothed on sunscreen, popped the iPod on and lay on my colourful towel ignoring the chill in the wind.

We stayed at Pezula in a house (well, the word "house" isn't really fair...more like a modern mansion) on the golf course over looking the ocean. It was spectacular. I particularly enjoyed the early mornings - heaven knows why I can't sleep in on holidays. I would sneak out onto the balcony, hoping not to wake anyone, and enjoy a cup of coffee, the quiet and the sunrise. Peaceful.

The one and only night we decided to go out in Knysna, turned out to be ridiculously fun. We had all been joking that the six of us were going to be the only ones at the club. Knysna had been relatively dead. We arrived at Zanzibar Club and it was decorated with pink draping, pink feathers, pink everything. My first thought was: Damn. Where did all these guys come from? and then my second thought was: Hang on. Why are there soooo many guys?
The party that was night was called The Pink Mardi Gras. It was Gay Night in Knysna.
What a jol!
Men were either wearing feathers, checked shirts, shorts with calf-length socks, or dresses, complete with wigs, fishnets and red lipstick.
I was so looking forward to hearing YMCA; It's Raining Men and We Are Family, but they didn't play those songs. Disappointing.
:-)
Why is it that boerewors rolls always taste like heaven at 2am? I drenched mine in tomato sauce and mustard and gobbled it down. Good times.

European Boy played a round of golf at Pezula and I drove the golf cart around. No one was injured, surprisingly enough, not even the baboons who were de-fleaing each other on the course. I have no idea how golf works, or what the point is really... You hit the ball away and then you have to find it again (a few times) until you putt it into a hole. 18 times. I wouldn't have a clue whether the guys played like shit or like Tiger Woods so I just gushed at how great they were playing. It didn't go down well when I called out, very enthusiastically: "Good shot!" Apparently, it's not a good thing when it lands in a bunker, the water or the fynbos.

I was treated to the Pezula Spa and I felt ridiculously indulgent. EB booked us into a shoulder, back and neck massage and honestly, it was the best massage I have ever experienced. *sigh*
We made use of the water massage bed too, the steam room, the heated pool and the jacuzzi that happened to be outside. That was my favourite. It was drizzling outside and we kept warm, if you know what I mean. ;)
I felt like a princess - totally and utterly spoilt!

I loved every minute of it and yes it was too short. Aren't holidays always?

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to cope with a normal 5 day week.

Please sir (universe)...can I have a break

I've realised that I really am a complete workaholic. I love what I do and I'm seriously passionate about my career, but sometimes I just don't know when to stop.

I have really been optimistic and done my best to keep my chin up, a smile on my face and to keep on at it ...it being the treadmill.

I am, however, exhausted.

It's not just about working my ass to the bone, I've had a hectic year so far.

2009 has thrown a lot at me and we're only in April. It's not a "woe-is-me" type of thing, but I do kinda feel like I'm being tested. I'm certainly not testing fate when I say: "What else do you wanna throw at me, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Guess what, you've thrown a lot my way and I'm still standing."

I am physically exhausted, emotionally drained and just basically done.

I have decided to do something very un-Blondie like and actually take leave. Even my bosses were shocked and I'm grateful they were so obliging.

I am going down to the coast for an entire week...Knysna to be exact and I'm so excited I might just have an orgasm on the spot.

I'm switching off my phone and I'm going to recharge my batteries and become human again.

I fly down on Monday morning and get back next Saturday.

Heaven.